Some thoughts. (A few more days and I will have figured it out)

I keep listening to this song. ‘I’m going home’ It’s so sweet and I can’t describe. The last weeks, I keep turning in circles of thoughts. Am I winding up? Am I winding down? Do I paddle at the same spot since way too long? Am I back where I began? What does freedom mean to me, what does it mean to you? How important is a feeling? One moment I feel the remains of pain, the next I just want to go on my own somewhere else. I wanna be with and without. I don’t want to go too deep, too big. I can’t do that, I think, and once in a while I feel exactly that. The next days I dedicate to myself, myself and my dreams. It’s been a while. I worked so long on this ideas, it’s time. It is time! I wanna get things going. Haven’t done any good writing, haven’t taken any pictures but one. (the one on the left) And I realized, it’s so time. It’s time to spend time with people I like but haven’t had the time to really get to know. I need them to know me, I need you to know me, I need to know me. It’s important. I shouldn’t leave a mess behind. It’s not really a mess but definitely not very organized. I’m cool with a floor scattered with cloth, a creative chaos sometimes, but no personal mess of things half done, things never said, or said in the wrong moment. Things have meanings, there aren’t coincidences. It’s now up to me to make this part of my journey to a unforgettable experience, a good experience, a successful one. It will be unforgettable anyways, a whole bunch of new stories I’ll vaguely tell people about when I’m somewhere else. Stories I’ll write about one day, stories that some will read and then understand. There was so much more around here, before and after. It’s crazy! It’s bittersweet in a certain way. The next days, I count on it. My work, my passion, my love, my friends – four things not to separate.

I’m always worried to write open here, one reason is the place I once lived. I should not expect anyone to understand, I mean I am so far away – and I’m not talking about distance. Can’t you see my way? Can’t you feel where I am going? Do you think I will ever come back? And I will arrive, but don’t you see? I WON’T COME BACK. I’m long gone already. Did I loose anything? No I gained! And the others are the once around, because a few are reading, following my words, my path, some are curious, some don’t even know why. And it’s hard to address anyone right, not to make people think too much, because that’s what I am doing. I’m thinking! And I hear it a lot, don’t think too much. But how can’t I? So let me do the thinking, and you read and at the right moment you know. Don’t get me wrong, I will arrive. I just realize, my writing always gets very cryptic and confusing when certain things are going on in life. I look forward to the moment this all is a little more untangled. But this will take just a little more longer.  : )

I guess that’s all for now. Now I need to sleep, hopefully later tonight I’ll take pictures, and hopefully more in the next days.

Marco