You know I figured the best things I’ve written, I mean the most honest, the most revealing and for the potential reader the most challenging are the once I’ve never published, all those posts I started writing when I was angry, feared, when I was feeling too much or nothing at all, desperation, insights, moments of complete honesty. I’ve a whole folder full of blog posts, letters, emails, short notes I wrote with the intention to publish, but either I knew right away I should not do it, or maybe something came in between and later I didn’t think it was such a good idea anymore, even if I sometimes wished I would have, or sometimes writing it was all I needed. No one needs to read something that was valid the moment I wrote it, but for me already past when I’ve finished writing it. So, there they are and sometimes I go through them and think, wow, that’s a lot of stuff! And I think, what would have happened if I would have published it, or send it? Who knows? In my past I’ve gone both ways many times, writing about everything and not keeping anything back, but I also stayed away from all this here many times. So, I guess that all, the honest showing, and the remaining quiet, both brought me to where I am right now. And things are going fairly well.

I’ll stick to it – if things don’t happen, make them happen! And when I feel it is enough than I can just wait and gladly leave it to faith, the same when I feel anything I could do more just makes it worse or turns out wrong. So, I ride fairly well with that in the last time. I have to keep myself working and so on, and it is a lot of work. But I need it, I need the work and once I’ve done the major parts I feel free and can take some time to relax and let freedom blow through into my face. And just now, that’s why I’m writing now, just now I finished the first draft of a cute little script. Well, it’s not really cute, it’s more .. lol.. a fucking joke, and I mean that literally! I think that’s what it is. Is it good? I don’t know. After chaos from last night, today I needed to feel myself in my world again. I’ve finished the first draft, one of many, now comes all the rewriting, and I’ve published two photography series. One about Cuba, the other are self portraits I had intended to publish long time ago but never made it. So check out my featured section!

I’m getting excited to go to the US. A few more weeks here and then I’ll go north and so far things seem to be great!! I got a couch for San Antonio what helps a lot, then I’m going to see Leia (Leia!!!! : ) in Winnipeg, and maybe, for the first time on my travel, I’ll see someone from back home, somewhere in Washington State.. It would be lots of fun! I guess a few six packs of beer, or preferably wine and we’ll all have a great time! It seems I drink quiet often in the last time, but actually I don’t. A weekend and a few beer, that’s pretty much it. After that I get almost annoyed of the feeling. I think that’s a good thing! I need the clarity in my head from time to time! : ) I’ll go to Vancouver as well, just to check it out, just to see what I’ve missed as I didn’t go there, same for Winterpeg. Do I still doubt it was wrong to stay that long in Toronto? Hell no! It was great and the best thing I could have done, how else could I have met those amazing people! While I will make it different in New Zealand, there I will go immediately where I want to go, no big city just to be on the safe side in terms of getting a job right away. I’ll hit the south island and will be around Queenstown, and I think it will be great! I sooo look forward to see the mountains and nature and just get my head clean, clean of what actually?? I don’t even know, but it sometimes is crowded up there, but I need it that way right now. After Van I’ll head towards Reno, and I think if everything goes right I not just have a couch there but also a ride into the desert, to Burning Man, a camp I can join, and a ride back to Reno afterward! And I was just looking for a couch, had no idea how to get there but I didn’t feel like over-planing and wanted to hitchhike and so, I thought that things will work out, just take it simple. And now, everything did, or is going to.. Great! After BM a few days in San Fran, maybe meeting another friend from back home, but this I’m not sure yet. (btw. I still don’t like surprise visits, so please don’t!) After that it goes to my free stop in Tonga and from there I’ll go to NZ. And there I will work. I guess hard agricultural work, getting a new cam, I’ll sell my old one – again. I said I would never do it again, well, maybe I need it, some time off, w/o my cam. Hope not too long! And so I have all this stuff in my head and you would say it makes me unfree, but I think it’s the opposite, if I learned one thing about freedom in Cuba, freedom has nothing to do with having a tent and no place to go. Freedom for me is the ability to go where ever I want, to meet and see who ever I want and not having to worry about if it is legal or not to sleep in someones private house etc, or where the next beach is, if there are any hostels and stuff like this. Freedom means not having to worry what happens when you get sick because you know you have an insurance that will cover – while I don’t have one right now, but I’m getting a new one right now, the old one expired. Freedom means having a name that is recognized and allows you to work, do your art, everywhere! That’s ultimate freedom actually. Hope I will be that free one day. : ) So, my calendar is full with things I want to do in the next few month and it makes me feel great, free, makes me feel working and not just useless walking in the streets. First I thought it might be just some bipolar over-planning, but since Mexico I’ve done exactly what I wanted to do, with ups and downs of course, but I did good! I like it.

I know with all this excitement I sometimes panic when one thing does not work out, or even worse when things turn out to be hell! I then think everything I’ve planned will turn out that way. But I don’t think that’s realistic. I have all this plans and cool things I want to do but I also know, need to know, that a few things might not work out and I just do something else, or maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Because I do believe things happen for a reason, at least to some degree. So, today it’s raining, tomorrow I walk in sunshine and I will love it. That’s how it goes!

(“…the beauty of it all” I just remember that song ‘Lovers in a Dangerous Time’ by The Barenaked Ladies. I love that song, I listened to it so many times in already, sometimes I play it ten times and more in replay. I’ll quote the lyrics it after…)

It’s the time to free the computer so Mariachi boy here can do his stuff.

If time is right I’ll might add some pics. I’ve just some boring shots of me cooking, washing cloth and looking at me in the mirror as I had a cold and needed a more ‘like me’ profile picture. So, just pictures my grandparents will appreciate since they probably like to see I’m still alive and I got a little stomach because I eat good, and stuff like this. And I like to put pictures of myself online. I guess I’m a little exhibitionist. The food I’ve made was boring oat meal and Chorizo, what I like!! Btw. as you can see, also the Tortilla are made from scratch, a few days ago I taught a Mexican girl how to make tortilla, I thought it was funny! It was the first time she had home made tortilla, made by a German!

So, talk to you soon!

Rock ‘n’ Roll!

Marco

Here’s the song:

Lovers In A Dangerous Time

Don’t the hours grow shorter as the days go by?

We never get to stop and open our eyes.

One minute you’re waiting for the sky to fall

Next you’re dazzled by the beauty of it all.

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

These fragile bodies of touch and taste

This fragrant skin, this hair like lace

Spirits open to thrust of grace,

Never a breath you can’t afford to waste.

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

When you’re lovers in a dangerous time,

Sometimes you’re made to feel as if your loves a crime.

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight

You gotta kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight.

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers in a dangerous time

We were lovers in a dangerous time

We were lovers in a dangerous time

Lovers, Lovers, Lovers

Ohhhhhh

Lovers in a dangerous time

The song definitely has something to it, I don’t know. It’s open to so many interpretations.
And here are the pics, as I said, it’s more for my family, or everyone who’s interested in, how would Kevin Smith say: ‘my boring ass life!’ : )