It is Sunday, somehow Sunday. It’s been over a day since I’ve talked to a soul. I probably slept most of the time too. And now I’m sitting here, listening to an older album of the Stones, the sun is shining through the half open window curtain on my legs. It feels so timeless. I can’t really describe. I feel melancholic, somehow sad. Too many times I had to hear “you should not go, you can’t go” Now I feel sad a little, I never thought that I would ever feel I leave people, leave something behind when I leave Toronto in a not so far away day. In the beginning of my travels and still long after I proudly anoucned how I learned to leave behind, but slowly I feel leaving behind gets more and more dificult, how many times can I make the same step, letting go and finding new. Starting all over again, going through so many things before we all know who we are and who we’re not. Well I now proudly announce leaving behind does hurt and isn’t always easy. I should enjoy the last few weeks, two days over two month from now. This weekend, I’m glad today is not the last. It was fun, couldn’t have been better. Waking up somewhere else, still all dizzy in my head. But with a head-shaking smile. What a night. So many things I just don’t think about, don’t write about and just think about – that seems about right. All this situations, I had in my head – everything about this night just should not count. We shouldn’t go from there, this is not a good re-starting point. Let this night just be fun. No essential meaning behind. And I guess so it was. Knowing that there is always possibility and the impossible close by. I had a good time, new souls, old friends – smiling, interest in the person. One I like, just came back to say good bye, oh just don’t let this night count. One I was never sure, maybe we are friends. Too many thoughts. Just forget about the last lines. It’s too dirty written to know who is who anyways. So please. It was a great night. Great weekend, I feel a little displaced but okay. Two years in this town, pretty much ten percent of my life. That’s not nothing.

I miss home but in a way I’m glad to be away, because I would fear to hurt people. It’s so easy to just go a wrong way and two friends just split apart. You can’t always be sure that things will find it’s way back to where they were, or to a new place. The phase I am in right now in my life, I left to change myself. I still remember so many things and I see how I sometimes do stupid stuff while being here. I don’t know. It’s extremely hard to explain. But maybe stuff like this is just part of our life, part of our living together, the way things are. I knew there could be a storm, one storm after another in my life. I broke out so many years ago but was still tamed by where I was, who I was and who was around. But I knew it wouldn’t last, I knew I would go wild one day or another. Because in a way I wanted it. Maybe it was not always fair that I was so much of myself here in Toronto, but sometimes it was the only thing that was left. I just would like to have a few more days like the last weekend and the weeks before, shouldn’t always be a party but I would like to just share some good moments with the people I like, before I leave. I hope people will somehow understand me, give me a chance to show, maybe not to say. I wanna hug my friends for good bye as friends. Will I ever look back? Yes I will, I never forget, and once I am gone I will remember even more. I will realize reality. What happened, what did not happen, how things were and why. Good bye my friends. I had a good time. : )