Right now I just like to be with someone. I like to love, to have sex, and I want sex, but this, even if it drives me crazy is not all, I like to be with a girl, kiss her, feel her, touch her body, smell her hair, I go crazy smelling her hair, tasting her skin, feeling the warmth of her neck and shoulder while I try to get as much of her whole being as possible. I lay with her and wish this connection would be bigger, longer, more, and I can’t think of letting go. It’s so hard. That’s what I am looking for and in the mess my life is in, I hurt others, screw around in others life, I don’t know at all what a woman wants. I mean I have no fucking idea, one moment they flirt, give looks, the next they take off and reject you, one moment there is love, the next the complete opposite. One I kiss, then she lets go, the other there is more before she says stop, there was this amazing – amazing night and then she lets go. I don’t get it. I am honest, I just need to like the girl. I guess I can’t go for more right now. Sure there are great woman, but always I hear: “you are leaving anyways” “he is leaving” and so on. So what can I expect from a night or two? Love? I fall way too fast anyways, and I don’t, didn’t realize how I hurt myself in the last weeks, or when the last sanity was gone and I was a guy who lied to himself to what he really wants. I like when she says “I love your teeth” or when she’s next to me with her eyes closed and goes crazy because she feels my look all over her body. I like to hear “you are sooo straaaange” when she can’t explain why she likes me. And most of the times I can’t either. That’s why I love to hear all that. I can’t look at girls anymore, I feel bad and all I did was following my feelings, maybe I should not have drunk that much, but if not, I am too shy. I can’t say who ‘she’ is. She could be anyone, but very fast ‘she’ is just the girl. It’s hard to explain. I’m traveling, I’m lonely and all I need is something like love and maybe a little more, and I want her to feel the same and to see behind the screwed up face of mine that expresses all this madness going on in the life between us. There is no way to understand. And it sucks, I want to be happy, I want love, sex, fun, and not hurting anyone. And it just doesn’t seem to fit, it doesn’t match of how most of us think. As I said I’m eating the apple from the tree of wisdom. I’ve never said I’m gonna sin. Because I fucking believe that feelings, and all around can’t be sin! Leave me all alone! I’m sorry, I am who I am and walk against walls. I am really sorry.
Bye.
PS:
I like seeing her laugh and smile.
I like when she tells me things she never told anyone.
I like when she makes jokes and tells funny stories.
I like it when she still likes me even when I do stupid stuff.
I like it when she still likes me even when I am down and not the cool guy.
PPS:
I like it when she teases me with dirty things.
I like it when we just talk.
PPPS:
I like it when she takes the duck tape off my mouth and kisses me.
PPPPS:
I like standing with her naked in the full moon light.
PPPPPS:
I like it when she sings me songs in the car.
Right now I just like to be with someone. I like to love, to have sex, and I want sex, but this, even if it drives me crazy is not all, I like to be with a girl, kiss her, feel her, touch her body, smell her hair, I go crazy smelling her hair, tasting her skin, feeling the warmth of her neck and shoulder while I try to get as much of her whole being as possible. I lay with her and wish this connection would be bigger, longer, more, and I can’t think of letting go. It’s so hard. That’s what I am looking for and in the mess my life is in, I hurt others, screw around in others life, I don’t know at all what a woman wants. I mean I have no fucking idea, one moment they flirt, give looks, the next they take off and reject you, one moment there is love, the next the complete opposite. One I kiss, then she lets go, the other there is more before she says stop, there was this amazing – amazing night and then she lets go. I don’t get it. I am honest, I just need to like the girl. I guess I can’t go for more right now. Sure there are great woman, but always I here: “you are leaving anyways” “he is leaving” and so on. So what can I expect from a night or two? Love? I fall way too fast anyways, and I don’t, didn’t realize how I hurt myself in the last weeks, or when the last sanity was gone and I was a guy who lied to himself to what he really wants. I like when she says “I love your teeth” or when she’s next to me with her eyes closed and goes crazy because she feels my look all over her body. I like to hear “you are sooo staaaange” when she can’t explain why she likes me. And most of the times I can’t either. That’s why I love to hear all that. I can’t look at girls anymore, I feel bad and all I did was following my feelings, maybe I should not have drunk that much, but if not, I am too shy. I can’t say who ‘she’ is. She could be anyone, but very fast ‘she’ is just the girl. It’s hard to explain. I’m traveling, I’m lonely and all I need is something like love and maybe a little more, and I want her to feel the same and to see behind the screwed up face of mine that expresses all this madness going on in the life between us. There is no way to understand. And it sucks, I want to be happy, I want love, sex, fun, and not hurting anyone. And it just doesn’t seem to fit, it doesn’t match of how most of us think. As I said I’m eating the apple from the tree of wisdom. I’ve never said I’m gonna sin. Because I fucking believe that feelings, and all around can’t be sin! Leave me all alone! I’m sorry, I am who I am and walk against walls. I am really sorry.
Bye.
And just something that came up. How much is anyone aware of what they are doing when they are doing it? And how can one blame the other at the end how it end up if it was clear for everyone from the very beginning? So the trouble is not when all take it simple and easy, the trouble is when you try to make sense and maybe feel a little more. If I would have said f… it and just went on, nothing would feel that bad. But I rather went further.. It’s so weird. At what point are you playing, and at what point are you played, and why are you at the end blamed for? Don’t get it. Anyways. Last day in Austin, then a relaxing trip to Winnipeg, without much new trouble in mind, and time to realize how everything happened. Strange days I’m telling you!
Das war sehr schön, Marco. Ich finde “You are sooo straaange!” lustig und ein bisschen wahr. Es sollte ein Kompliment sein. Ich hoffe, dass ich auch strange bin. Warum schreibst du nur auf Englisch? Warum ist Englisch bei jedem so beliebt? Warum tut es dir leid? Ich verstehe das nicht. Glaubst du an Sünde und Gott? Ich hätte das nicht gedacht.
Because I do like to improve my English and since I just talk and think in English.. : ) You are strange in your very own way, but why and how,I’ll tell you another time… : ) See you in the next few days, promised! : )
I think lose weight is not impossible as long as you keep doing exercises consistently and don’t ever eat the fast food. Unfortunately, .