(Come back here in the next few days, I will add some pictures!!)

I’ve just been woken up by my half drunk roommate and his local girlfriend who first talked, then fucked. Great.

But anyways I do have some more time right now. I am in Monterrey, Mexico. I’ve rented a bed for the next six weeks here. I need a rest, have to do some errands and there are some things I wanna work on.

Quickly in German: Dieses Jahr gibt es zwei Dinge die ich verpassen werde. Das eine ist unser Klassentreffen, 10 Jahre – kann es kaum glauben. Haette wirklich gerne teilgenommen. Das andere ist mir die Fußballweltmeisterschaft mit Kevin anzuschauen. Ich habe es ja fast schon versprochen7vorhergesagt das wir die nächste WM zusammen schauen, aber es ist halt doch alles ein Wenig anders geworden.  Ich wollte ja nicht einmal so lange weg bleiben, vielleicht zwei Jahre oder so, nun sind es schon fast vier. Aber es gibt gute Nachrichten fuer alle die sich noch so einigermaßen an mich erinnern koennen. Ich bin auf dem Weg nach Hause!! Keine zu schnelle Begeisterung bitte! Es wird noch zwei, vielleicht zweieinhalb Jahre dauern und geographisch wird die Distanz auch noch groesser werden. Es ist mehr eine innere Einstellung die sich geaendert hat. Weil in den letzten Jahren bin ich innerlich immer von Zuhause weg gegangen, manche moegen sagen von zuahause weggelaufen, geflohen, ausgebrochen. Was mag alles richtig sein. Aber die letzten zwei Monate in Kuba so viele Dinge haben sich in mir geandert, oder um es richtig zu sagen, ich habe viele Dinge in mir gefunden die sich in den letzten Jahren geaendert haben. So war es dann das ich realisiert habe das ich so langsam wieder nach hause moechte. Ich vermisse Familie und Freunde und moechte zeit mit denen verbringen. Ich moechte an Geburtstage denken, zu Weihnachten nach hause fahren, einen Tag spaeter zu meinem Opa und Silvester moechte ich meine Freunde um mich haben. Auch ist es zeit an einigen meiner Ziele fuer die Zukunft  zu arbeiten und ich fuehle mich langsam bereit dafuer, so wie ich langsam bereit bin fuer Freunde und Familie. Ich bin mir schon bewusst das ich noch immer mitten drin stecke und ich brauche die naechsten zwei Jahre noch um wirklich bereit zu sein. Gerade im Augenblick, so viele kleine Dinge passieren. So viel veraendert sich. Es ist aufregend, manchmal beunruhigend und nicht zu verstehen, manchmal alles gegen mich, dann aber auch so klar und eindeutig, so bedeutend. Aus einer Not heraus kam grosse Kreativitaet, Motivation und Anstrengungen die es nun zu einem Ergebnis umzuwandeln gilt. Aber dazu mehr wenn es soweit ist.

I’m on my way home, basically that´s the one important sentence the text above talks about. And I am on my way home!! Finally I’ve reached a point where I can say out loud, I wanna go home, I wanna be home with Friends and Family. But a few more miles to go.

Cuba was a great and hard experience that made me think. I couldn’t enjoy Cuba that much, I’ve seen too many things there, outside of the tourist circle that would make it feel wrong to celebrate the music and great Cuban culture that has been polished for the good paying tourists. Too many problems, poor people, and limits in the personal freedome of many. inlcuding mine. I felt trapped in Cuba, I couldn’t move as freely as I wanted to. On the touristy beaches I could feel semi-free but once I went to the little rural towns where there is no western soul I had to hide with my tent or some town official, or some unofficial town official would make sure the right people know about. What sometimes was the police, sometimes the immigration people, always followed by undoing my tent, going somewhere to check my passport and getting many different versions of the same story from people who aren’t sure about their law there. Meaning, even if it’s legal to camp, I’ve heard things like it´s not legal for tourists, it’s not legal in this province, why don’t you go to a beach’ why don’t you sleep inside of town’ you can’t sleep inside of town why don’t you go outside. You have to go to a hotel or casa particular.. etc. the same old many times. For them it’s saver to send me hitchhiking outside of a big town at 1Am instead of letting me stay a night with my tent at places that I knew where safe. But it had nothing really to do with me, it was for their own security, it was to show the people who is t he boss in town, and all this. The moment I left they knew, I did not even try to hide that fact, that I’m going to another place and I will sleep there. It happened to me at least four to five times, enough to annoy me, enough to make my search for a place every night a kind of a hassle since I have to go further away from town, deeper into nowhere, wait longer until it´s late at night and no one around. But on the other side, I’ve had great experiences too. So many great people helped me out, let me stay at their place, in their back yard, with their pigs, a bed with fresh linen etc. So Cuba, well. The people are amazing, most of them, just you know the other side can be annoying, while never aggressive or so. They can´t afford that since most of the countries economy is based on the white man. Being so limited, I mean it wasn’t too bad, not as bad as it sounds but after three weeks I felt I could have done the same trip in a month, but I had still six weeks ahead of me. This made me feel really trapped, trapped on an island with nothing else to do but waking up, packing my stuff, walking somewhere where there is transport, waiting for hours, getting a ride, a bus or truck for cheap, repeating this game a few times a day until I reach some place, looking for a place to sleep, and always having to get food and water. It´s was this and nothing else, food, transport, where to sleep. It was horrible. It was like a fasting but somehow different. It was a creative diet, I had nothing but this and what did it make me do? I started to think, to record notes, and very rare I rented a room for cheap and there the creative energy, the need for change and future made me do something, I started to write and for the very first timr I’ve actually finished something, I was able to finish a little story. Nothing special and I have no idea if it’s good since I wrote it in English and not in German. But this doesn’t matter, it was about being able to do it, being able to say: I will finish this story, I need it now, I need this first experience for the future. One reason why I started traveling, why I not give up is because I never finished anything I wanted to. But that’s what I do now, I go around and will go around and doing so I will show, proof myself I can finish things, and I did finish on my way this little story. Now I have to rewrite it, I wrote it by hand – quiet a mess. So I’ve probable stayed in Casa Particulares for two weeks in total during my two month trip, a night in Baracoa, it was okay. Not as great as I thought it would be, six days in Bayamo, great quiet city where eating was cheap but very single sited. I hate everything now that has the name Pan con.. Pan con tortilla natural, con jamon, con bistec etc. but I do love ice cream, I got so addicted to it that I had up to four times and more ice cream a day. Considered that I can buy it for around 4 cents each.. and around 8 cents for the pan con… stuff. But in Bayamo I wrote that little story. So it was a great time. Two nights in Cienfuegos what was pretty cool. It’s a very interesting city, very confusing too. Here it was that I realized what way I actually wanna go with my photography, and which way doesn’t really give me that much anymore. What might be just a phase, or it could be something more. It’s the traveling photography, photographing buildings, streets, beaches and so on. It’s just not longer what I wanna do, I know many will now say loud NO DON’T GIVE THAT UP!! But in a way, I don’t know. I wanna go somewhere else with it and that’s how I feel. I would even love to have the motivation going out into town, walking around for hours and finding nice settings where the light and everything is right. But I wanna express different things, I love photography and I’m even jealous of the once who can still go out every day and photograph the beauty in the world. But the motives that attracted me were different pictures. I will put them up here in a few month. Thanks to all the great people at Staples, I do have a little point and shoot, so it doesn’t mean you won’t see any of my travels. Just not as perfect, not as hi quality and not as plenty – but maybe less censored, fixed up and preselected, more real I guess. : ) So no worry. And at the end after three weeks pretty much on beaches only, I saved up some money for it – seven days in La Habana. I got a cheap place with view at the Capitolio, it was a half legal place since the Señora rented out more rooms then she was allowed to. But this is what made this place so nice, it was more like a hostel where travelers could actually meet, not like the other Casa Perticulares where the number of guests is limited to four, and number of rooms is limited to two. I had a great time, I even wrote another piece, not as good as the first one, but I needed to know if I can repeat the writing or if it just was an ‘accident’. And I did, half the pages, same time of writing, but I got something. Food was a little more expensive there but I had some savings, enough for almost healthy nutritious food and still lots of ice cream. I felt like a mess sometimes, it took me to get a kind of order into my daily routine. I had a beer from time to time, one night I had two, both I drunk alone sitting in a comfy chair in front of the window, looking at the dim lighted Capitolio. Both of the beer I drunk for Kev, “Kevin that’s for you” is what I said out loud, no one could hear it but the few mosquito around, he should have been there traveling with me is what I thought. We would have had a great time. But well, it’s meant to be like that, a self finding / finding trip. Finding myself and the people I have left behind back home. I met Keigo, a pretty cool Japanese guy and Mini from South Korea, both great people. We had lots of fun. And the best day in Cuba, was my last day, was my birthday. It was great, it started slow with breakfast in the hostal, then I was running for the first time in weeks. I run five km all around Havana Viaje, it was so hot, I head headache a little afterward. Then after a shower I came to the kitchen where Milena, a nice girl who worked and lived at the Casa invited me to share here pasta, so I did. It tasted great. She didn’t know about my birthday yet. The Señora came in and told everyone, she planned a little get together at night. What excited me. But before I’ve met with Keigo and we went out of town to his friend, first I felt a little uncomfortable and knowing we will be here for at least five hours I felt bored. But then we all started to talk and besides this a bottle of Havana Club that Keigo bought was opened and turned into one glass of Mojito after another.. It got quiet funny now, but I didn’t got drunk, not even after the second bottle of cheap rum they got. The Señora there made a great early dinner. We were invited to eat, they actually made it for us. It was the best food I’ve eaten in Cuba. Some parts, like the salt potatoes with pieces of ham reminded me on home, what made it taste even better, then there was meat, salad, rice, all kinds of stuff on different plates. It was amazing. Keigo, slept in after the dinner since his Mongolian gene doesn’t really go with alcohol. I had a fairly good conversation about politics, the life in Cuba, future and so on with the rest. It was a very interesting afternoon, evening. At one moment the Señor said to me “this day is for you”, Keigo must have told them about my birthday, and I remembered he actually did. This whole dinner etc. just for the occasion of my birthday and I didn’t even know about it until everyone was already fairly drunk. It was 8pm, I had an hour to get back to the hostal where I told Mini we would meet. Keigo was done for the day and stayed back at the house, I went to town alone. In the route taxi on my way back, it was one of those pre-1950 cars, I met three older guys who were drinking rum in the car. They were so funny, they had this kind of dynamic going on, you always had to lough about something they said or did. One would say something and one always disagree, then they make jokes about him, he says something else and it starts again. As they passed around the bottle and gave it to me too I just had to have a zip, and at the end I might have had two or three. So I was part of this little crew now, it was a funny ride and I realized the day has been great so far. I was just a little concerned that maybe  Mini did not get my message to meet at nine and maybe I went back for nothing.  As I came in I heard a few people but it seemed quiet and no one seemed around, but then I saw Mini who greeted me happy and the Señora appeared too. Now it got a little hectic and I have been brought to the dinning place. Mini, Milena and a few more people appeared. Then they all started singing happy birthday and the Señora came out with a ‘mini’ cake ; ) from the kitchen. It was a real birthday cake with matches used as candles. It was a real birthday party for me!! I blew out the candles and everyone cheered! It was great, Milena made flan for me and everyone else. Mini, knowing about my addiction, bought two cans of chocolate ice cream!! Chocolate – the only flavor I was unable to find anywhere in Cuba! I loved it! But I have to admit on my way from the taxi to the Casa I had ice cream too, what didn’t affect my appetite for it at all.. : ) We all had cake, flan and ice cream. Later on Mini and I shared a few beer and decided to go for a walk. We went down to the Malecón and watched the ocean. We kept walking for quiet a while, I felt the beer and the rum from all day just a little bit, Mini got a little drunk. She had to hold on a little as we walked back home where we talked a little more. Laying in my bed later that night I realized how great that day was – and it was really amazing! It was by far the bast day in Cuba, and the best birthday since my travels, since years actually. Midnight the day before Mini was the first to congratulate me, and the only until the morning, we talked about how exciting and important birthdays were as we were kids, and now it’s almost just a regular day. We also talked about not having any expectations. And I had none, just out of experience. But next year I will be excited, just because this years was so great! Thanks for everyone, also for all the nice wished from home, Toronto and a few more places all over the world! : )

The next day Mini brought me to the bus and waited an hour for the bus with me. It was a sag good bye, after all those hard weeks having such a great time. I promised if I get to Korea I will visit her, and she will treat me with the local cuisine! I look forward to it! : ) I love food!

Well and then I turned around one more time before I entered the immigration check at the airport, realizing, that’s it for me. Two month, living sometimes really hard, sharing the hard life with the locals, feeling almost as trapped but at the end I’m able to just leave. And there I was in Cancun, Mexico. My only goal was to find a place to rent for quiet some time so I can rewrite my story. I traveled fast, 300 to 500km a day, all by hitchhiking. Walking four to six hours to get out of towns, sometimes until late at night. Sleeping next to streets, a beach twice, in some neighborhood, close to a village where the locals invited me to sleep at their house – so I did, my last night in a tent was next to a fuel station where I got attacked by a Bold Jumping Spider in the morning and later I would find a Black Widow hiding in a niche of my backpack. I didn’t know what either of the spiders are, the first quiet harmless I had to perform a funny looking dance to get it off my body, the second I chased on my backpack, lost it twice and then found it again and squeezed it to death. Later I searched in the internet for Mexican spiders and was a kind of surprised about the last one. But even if their poison is one of the strongest a bite is in most cases not lethal. Then I came to Monterrey, almost left after first disappointments, everything seamed overly expensive and I just didn’t like it at all. But I gave it a second chance and took it easy, I discovered thew setting in the mountains this city is in, and I thought, well it does look nice. I got food, found internet and located a nice hostel. It was 9pm as I finally was in the hostel. I just needed to negotiate the price, since my budget is low. The place seemed right and nice. There was a computer I could use for the writing, there was a common kitchen so I could cook for cheap and I already met a nice Australian couple. But I did not get the price I hoped for. The owner really considered but some stupid middle aged women, who knew that I wanted to negotiate stayed always around and kept both ears open, eager to hear what he says, probably just to get a cheraper rate herself. What is wrong with her, she seems to be able to afford the rate she pays right now – I am not. What’s the point, if she wanted a different price she should have asked herself as she checked in, now she screwed it up for me just because she wanted so save a few more bucks. I always say, if you can afford it pay for it and don’t be too cheap. I could see the guy was really considering but I also saw how this woman affected him. So I had to leave, being prepared to sleep in some recreational area in the middle of town. But before I had to go to somewhere else, the guy gave me the address of another hostel. It was past 10pm as I got there, a young boy who just left with his friends and guitar under his arm, opened the door for me and showed me quickly around. Already seeing them with the guitar in front of the door gave me a cool feeling, he had long hair and seemed like he likes rock or so. But inside the place it was even better, it was a little messy, not as clean, not as pretty, more like a commune like place, the rooms are open and you walk trough one room to the next to get into the common area and kitchen. If you would judge the place by look etc the other was the better, but this place had something. The were so easy going, the boy said Ramon the owner comes at 12, he’s a cool guy and you probably have no problems talking about the rate. Not knowing nothing about me they gave me one of their keys and just asked me to stick around, or sleep or whatever. I was sitting alone in this hostel and it really got me. I could feel there is something in the air, this place is so easy going but also so full of energy, an energy I didn’t feel at many places, I felt it in the studio where I was living for a few month in Toronto. It was great, I knew that’s the place. Also there was something missing that you don’t realize unless it is missing, it was a certain pressure. At the other place it was there, hard to explain but here it’s just not. It’s a creative, artsy place, lots of books, paintings on the wall, posters and stickers. In the two hours I was there I checked out the whole place and fell in love with it. Then I met Ramon’s girlfriend and another guest first, we had a cool conversation in fluent English, she had beer for us three. It was a great start, and then there was Ramon. Easygoing relaxed guy, he gave me the rates, the monthly rates, I asked him if he can do my price what was a little lower then the monthly and he said okay. And then there was this one little thing. We agreed on anything and he have me his hand saying in this super cool way: “welcome” and this got me, just ofr one fact. Around three years ago I met a guy in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso and he told me about his Mexico experience, and he told me about the greatest place he has been, but I forgot completely where it was or what the name was, but what he told me was the significance of the very first moment as someone opened him the door and greeted him, easy, cool, relaxed just with one word: “welcome” and the way I imagined this that time, and how I heard it here from Ramon. It was exactly the same. Without ever really voicing this thought/wish I have always wished to find this place, or a place like this. And from all towns and hostels, hotels, motels, guest houses, bed and breakfasts here in Mexico I might have found this very place he was talking about. It would be an incredible coincidence, but the way it felt and sounded as he said “welcome” to me, I almost knew I am there – I am home for the next 45 days.

So here I am right now, trying to get into writing, fighting the 30C and up degrees during the day, and the noise of Friday and Saturday nights, getting used to the community like lifestyle, learning to share, to keep, to take and give. I need this time off here and once I get everything sorted out things will get great/normal. But this should be all for now, as I said, come back for a few pictures from my little camera, just give me a few days for it, or maybe even today!

Best of everything for everyone!!

Marco